The One Rule that Shaped Our Culture: Don’t Be an Arsehole

A guide to leading, working, and living with basic decency (and a bit of flair)

Why We Need a One Rule Policy

When onboarding new team members, I always begin with the first rule of Iconic: don’t be an arsehole.

This feels like a good moment to apologise to anyone who finds the term offensive. You’ll encounter it many more times in this article, so if it’s too much for your taste, this is probably the time to bow out.

Now, I know that most people are trying very hard not to be, but this isn’t just a throwaway line - it was our founding principle. Everything we’ve done since has tried to live up to that ideal and, more often than not, I think we do.

Over time, though, I’ve come to realise something: this isn’t just our first rule. It’s our only rule and it’s served us extraordinarily well.

In this post, I’d like to share what the rule really means, why it matters, what does (and doesn’t) count as breaking the rule, how we apply it at Iconic, and how you might carry it into your own work or leadership.

Our culture means a great deal to me and to everyone on the team. Nurturing it is one of my core responsibilities as CEO. I could have written a fifty-page document about our values, but I didn’t need to. We have just one rule, and it works.

Having a single, memorable rule makes it easy to understand and even easier to apply. There’s no need to leaf through a culture manual to check if you’re on the right side of the line. You only need to ask yourself one question:

Is this arseholery?

Rules only work when they’re lived. This one is. It’s a big part of what makes our team, and our work, something I’m proud of every day.

The Rule Itself

The Cambridge dictionary defines ‘arsehole’ as an offensive word for an unpleasant or stupid person. 

For me, toxic behaviour is when someone deliberately acts unpleasantly or stupidly, in a way that causes harm to others. It’s not about being direct, passionate, emotional, or even occasionally wrong. It’s about choosing to behave in a way that undermines, belittles, excludes, manipulates, or dominates, often under the cover of plausible deniability.

I chose the word ‘arsehole’ because it is, quite simply, universally understood. If you asked a hundred people to define it, I’m confident they’d arrive at roughly the same meaning, even if they expressed it in different ways.

That shared understanding is what gives the One Rule its power. Arseholery is recognisable across roles, sectors, and personality types. It’s not cultural or hierarchical. It’s not a matter of tone - it’s a matter of intent and impact. Because of that, the One Rule applies everywhere.

In fact, I sometimes wonder if we replaced every law in the land with this single rule, the world might actually run better or, at least, more kindly.

Why It Matters

The emotional cost of tolerating toxic behaviour in the workplace is enormous. Many of us have had the misfortune of working in at least one toxic environment, where backstabbing is common, the rumour mill never stops, and distrust seeps into everything. If you’ve been in a place like that, chances are you left. If you haven’t yet, you probably want to.

We all know that recruitment is expensive and risky, and it’s hard to find the right people. When you do, it’s even harder and more costly to lose them because the rule was broken without being addressed.

The damage doesn’t stop there. Tolerating toxic behaviour undermines trust, breeds fear, and stifles innovation. It kills momentum. It damages morale. It makes good people shrink. These are not soft consequences - they erode effectiveness, performance, and growth. We can’t afford that.

The truth is: culture is fragile. It takes time to build a healthy, grounded workplace culture and to embed it in every part of a business. Sadly, it only takes one unchecked rule-breaker to unravel it. The ripple effect is real: when bad behaviour isn’t challenged, it becomes normalised and, once it’s normalised, it spreads.

To be clear: I don’t believe most people set out to be arseholes. Almost everyone I’ve ever met has had fundamentally good intentions but we’re all capable of bad behaviour. Human nature means that, if we think we can get away with something that benefits us, we probably will. We’re brilliant at justifying ourselves:

• “No one will notice.”

• “It won’t really hurt anyone.”

• “I’ve earned this.”

• “Charity begins at home.”

The One Rule isn’t about moral perfection; it’s about accountability, especially when we’re tired, stressed, or quietly tempted to do the wrong thing. It’s about keeping the standard clear, kind, and unwavering.

Who is Protected by the One Rule?

Junior team members

The One Rule protects junior staff - those often most vulnerable to unchecked power and poor behaviour. It sets a clear baseline of dignity and decency that doesn’t depend on hierarchy, experience, or confidence. No one is expected to tolerate condescension, manipulation, or disrespect just because they’re new, young, or still learning. The rule creates safety from day one.

Leaders

It’s easy to forget that leadership needs protection too, not from others, but from the distortions of power itself. The One Rule holds a mirror up to those at the top. It reminds us that our behaviour carries disproportionate weight, and that even well-intended actions can land as dismissive, self-important, or controlling. It stops us hiding behind stress or status. It asks us to stay awake to how we affect those around us, and it gives our teams permission to hold us accountable.

Clients

Clients are protected by the One Rule because it demands a level of integrity that exceeds technical competence or contractual obligation. It means not cutting corners, inflating fees, or shifting blame. It rules out defensiveness, vagueness, and the kind of ego-driven decision-making that corrodes trust. It also discourages the quieter forms of toxic behaviour: withholding information, patronising tone, or confusion as control. The rule centres mutual respect, ensuring clients are treated with honesty, clarity, and care. In a world where polish often replaces substance, it anchors professional relationships in something real.

Suppliers

Suppliers, too, are protected by the One Rule. It insists on fairness, respect, and clear communication, regardless of where the power lies. It means paying on time, giving them the information they need, and treating them as collaborators rather than subordinates. It means no ghosting, no micromanaging, no blaming them unfairly for indecision or delay. It asks us to honour their expertise, respect their time, and not expect miracles for pennies. The One Rule creates the conditions for professional relationships built on trust, not quiet resentment. It reminds us that how we treat others behind the scenes is every bit as important as what we deliver in public.

What Is Arsehole Behaviour?

Let’s be honest: most of us know arsehole behaviour when we see it. It’s not about having high standards, or being decisive, or expressing frustration. It’s about power without care: the kind of behaviour that leaves people humiliated, excluded, or afraid to speak. Here are just a few ways the One Rule can be broken:

Bullying, undermining, and passive-aggression

Whether it’s overt or insidious, anything that chips away at another person’s confidence or status counts. That includes piling on blame in meetings, weaponising silence, or giving people just enough praise to keep them dependent.

Withholding information to maintain control

If someone ‘forgets’ to share the new client brief or keeps changes to a programme under wraps to retain influence, that’s breaking the rule. Clarity is power. Hoarding it to feel important helps no one.

Gossip and triangulation

If you’re telling person A what person B said about them, instead of encouraging person B to speak directly, that’s arseholery. It corrodes trust and creates a culture where people perform politeness while seething underneath.

Ego disguised as ‘high standards’

There’s a difference between having expectations and making others feel inadequate. The former uplifts: the latter alienates. I’ve seen people cloak perfectionism in professionalism and use it to grind their colleagues into the carpet.

Belittling, eye-rolling, and tone policing

Dismissing someone’s idea before they’ve finished speaking. Correcting grammar in the middle of a vulnerable contribution. Laughing when someone offers something sincere. It’s all part of the same story: ‘I’m right, and you’re small.’

What Isn’t Arsehole Behaviour?

The One Rule isn’t about being endlessly agreeable or unfailingly cheerful. It doesn’t mean silencing your frustrations or smoothing every edge. In fact, some of the most powerful, necessary behaviours in a healthy workplace might look confrontational on the surface, but they’re not arseholery - they’re part of a healthy working dynamic.

Let’s be clear about what the One Rule doesn’t forbid:

• Holding boundaries

Saying ‘I don’t think that’s right’ is integrity. Boundaries aren’t just about time and capacity; they’re about values. They’re how we protect what matters and avoid becoming complicit in things we shouldn’t be.

• Saying no

A clear no is better than a reluctant yes followed by resentment. Refusing something, kindly, directly, firmly, is often the most respectful thing you can do.

• Calling out injustice or hypocrisy

Speaking truth to power does not break the rule, turning a blind eye to bad behaviour is. If someone’s making others unsafe, saying so isn’t a breach of the rule, it’s an application of it.

• Responding robustly to rule-breaking when it shows up

If someone’s being an arsehole and you push back directly, even fiercely, that’s not the problem. It’s the immune system working. That’s exactly what the One Rule is for.

• Having high standards without contempt

Expecting excellence is not the issue. It becomes a problem when it’s weaponised - when feedback becomes ridicule, or when ‘not good enough’ becomes personal. Demand quality, yes. but do it without humiliating the human delivering it.

• Feeling frustrated but handling it like an adult

We all get tired, irritated, even angry. That’s human. What matters is how we express it. The One Rule doesn’t ask you to be emotionless - it asks you to be accountable.

The One Rule is not about avoiding conflict or emotional self-censorship. It’s about removing the contempt, cruelty, and carelessness that make workplaces unbearable.

Kind doesn’t mean soft. Fair doesn’t mean passive.

You can be clear, strong, direct, even fierce, and still be living fully within the rule. In fact, that’s often when you’re embodying it best.

What It Means at Iconic

At Iconic, the One Rule isn’t a poster in a staff room or a line on a lanyard. It’s something we try to live every day in how we speak to each other, how we give feedback, how we make decisions, and how we take ownership when things go wrong.

It shapes our interactions: we speak plainly, listen actively, and make space for disagreement without diminishing the person on the other side. It shapes our leadership: we hold ourselves to the same standards we expect of others, and we take responsibility for how our actions land. It shapes our decisions: if something feels off, we pause and ask, ‘does this break the One Rule’? If the answer’s yes, we change course.

We don’t have a code of conduct full of euphemisms or caveats. We have the One Rule and it works, because we’ve embedded it in practice, not just principle.

That means:

• Giving clear, kind feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable

• Speaking directly to people, not about them

• Naming when something doesn’t feel fair

• Creating space for people to raise concerns without fear of backlash

• Protecting each other’s dignity, even under pressure

Everyone is expected to live by the rule, regardless of role or seniority. Whether you’re on your first week or your fifth year, the standard is the same. That creates a culture of trust: no one has to earn the right to be treated with decency.

When someone breaches the rule, we don’t ignore it. We don’t gossip. We don’t let it fester. We name it gently, but clearly. We assume good intent, but we insist on better impact. We offer support, not shame, to get things back on track.

Ultimately, the One Rule isn’t just about preventing harm. It’s about making trust, safety, autonomy, and excellence possible. You can’t do brilliant work if you’re braced for harm. You can’t take creative risks if you’re afraid of humiliation. You can’t build a great company culture on silence and resentment.

We built Iconic on this principle. We still live by it.

What It Means Beyond Iconic

You don’t need fifteen values carved into a wall. You don’t need a 68-page culture handbook written in committee-speak. You just need one rule and the courage to enforce it.

‘Don’t be an arsehole’ sounds flippant, but it’s anything but. It’s a moral and relational baseline. If your company really lived by it, what would change?

• Fewer exit interviews full of unspoken grievances

• Fewer ‘performance issues’ that are really fear responses

• Fewer bruises disguised as misunderstandings

• More trust, more courage, more room to grow

This rule isn’t just a way to run a team. It’s a way to lead a project, steward a client, run a boardroom, shape a profession.

The truth is: arseholes are not inevitable, they are not a byproduct of success, and they are not ‘just passionate’. They are not ‘high-performing’ if they’re damaging the people around them, they’re just… arseholes, and you don’t have to put up with them.

You Only Need One

There’s a reason this rule sticks: it’s memorable. it’s human, it’s harder to wriggle out of than a laminated values poster. Most of all, it works.

The One Rule protects people. It strengthens teams by making space for better work, healthier relationships, and clearer leadership.

If you’re building a company, leading a team, or trying to change a culture, start here. Forget the brand strategy or a motivational slogan, just go with this:

Don’t be an arsehole.

If that feels like too low a bar, ask yourself why you’re hesitating to set it. If it feels like too high a bar, ask yourself what you’ve been tolerating.

You only need one rule. You just have to mean it.

Author

Lizzie Hewitt

Lizzie is the CEO of Iconic Project Management and the driving force behind its bold, people-first culture. Known for her blend of strategic clarity and creative flair, she leads with purpose, passion, and just the right amount of rebellion. Lizzie builds resilient teams, delivers impactful results, and is quietly transforming the construction industry into a space where both people and projects are empowered to thrive.